Last CBT

First of all, happy Mother's Day!

I just got back from the last CBT stage today. I have mixed emotions about it, though I think that's also more of an extended feeling towards the end of training. I do not feel ready to go and be alone.

I don't think I'm unique in feeling this way; I think we're all struggling in our own ways with the sort of culture shock we're anticipating. Now, everything is planned for us. Our lives have structure imposed on us to the point of having curfews and a sign in and out sheet at the front of the hotel. Our breaks are planned and we have projects to work on in the meantime, and the LPI (language proficiency exam, since you asked)to study for and internet next door and laundry to wash. There is always someone around, to the point that it's almost impossible to find time and space to be alone. It's great. I love it. I don't mind the structure or even the restrictions because I'm challenged and learning and seeing progress and exploring in a totally safe environment.

Now, in less than two weeks, I'll be an hour or more away from the nearest volunteer with limited transportation and limited time off. I'll be in a place that despite the progress I've made, I won't be able to really communicate with people easily. I will go from having most of my waking moments planned out for me to having a few guidelines but mostly free time and having to find my own routine. Sure, there are tasks to do. I'll have to do laundry, I'll have to do a water survey, I'll want to conduct needs assessments, I want to find a tutor, I'll have to find a place to rent and furnish it, I'll have to go to the sbitar to sort of at least get a feel for it, I'll be able to go to the netti and sit and knit (I found knitting needles!) while they sew, or even sew with them. But I'll also be living with a family I'm not comfortable with in the same way I was at CBT.

But what did I expect? This is what I wanted. I wanted a new site, which means the host family has never hosted a foreigner before.It's a more conservative site than my CBT site and I don't think I really realized how liberal my CBT family was until now. This is what I wanted; this is the path I've chosen. I specifically wanted a new site and I specifically wanted not to have a sitemate and I feel listened to and like in a lot of ways my situation is ideal. But that doesn't stop the fear.

So all this is hanging over me the entire short time I've been at CBT, as well as other people in the group. It was a lot more tense than any other one. I didn't have as much time with my family alone as any other CBT phase and they seemed more tense too, partially because the mentally challenged neighbor boy came over and kicked one of my 30-year old sister's goats and made him sick, or that there are two baby goats that are less than a week old to be taken care of. I don't know. It was still a good time, but the whole time I was there I almost wanted to cry because I just didn't want it to be the end.

The first night, our homestay coordinator came and spent the night. Usually I'd be psyched, but it made me feel a bit more uncomfortable just because it added a new dynamic to the family. I heard some funny stories about animals (though they're not really that funny) and found out that the family cat had killed three of the four rabbits and so they took him to the nearest bigger town and let him go during souk. Interesting.

The next morning, the country director came to visit. It was a really good visit. I don't feel the need to go into too much about it except that it was really sort of good to get a different perspective on things. It didn't assuage all my fears of unintentionally doing something that's against the rules and getting sent home, but it helped quite a bit. Those of you who know me really well know I tend to be a worrier no matter what though. In any case, we also had American junk food. Chips Ahoy have never tasted so good, and I felt a lot better about PC Morocco in general afterwards.

At home that night, we fed the baby goats and mixed up an herb with agho (buttermilk eaten with couscous) and fed it to the sick goat. Interesting. I know nothing about raising animals, but I'm considering once I get my own place, if I can have a courtyard, maybe getting a few chickens for fresh eggs. We'll see how practical that is.

Yesterday was our last day at CBT site and we had a party to celebrate. All our families came, and we ate cookies and drank tea and coffee (have I told you that the coffee here has three spices in it? Pepper, ginger, and cinnamon, I think. Delicious.)... and we presented our health lessons in Tamazight.

That was actually interesting. My presentation was on birth control pills and I made a brochure (oh, and was there ever some drama with getting the Tamazight into Arabic script!) and did a short little introduction to the pill. One of the biggest challenges, besides the language, of course, was not including all the information that I ethically feel obligated to include with birth control education. I had two simple goals: to encourage women who want to get on the pill to go to the sbitar and discuss it with their doctor, and how to take it; 21 days on, 7 days off, at the same time. That was all I could really include on one brochure. Most of the older women are illiterate and so, well, I'll just say it was a challenge.

At first, earlier in the day, we practiced in front of our group and the woman who comes in and cooks lunch for us. She inturrupted my presentation with questions. My LCF helped translate some of them, and I answered those and then ended up sitting next to her after we had all presented, explaining in more detail. It was fun to see it was real- even this woman, who had hosted families before and had cooked for health CBTs for three years didn't know that you had to take the pill every day, opposed to just when having relations.

The presentation went all right. I wasn't particularly pleased but at the same time, it wasn't bad and I think they understood. One woman asked about the difference in effacacy between the pill and the rhythm method. Another woman who didn't get a brochure asked if I had any extra. Even though my language skills are pretty mediocre at best, I think at least one or two people took something away from it. It's a little empowering.

The dance party was exhausting because it was so hot, but really a lot of fun. I have a few little video clips. Fun. The most fun came after the drama about which families were taking leftover cookies home, when we all went to one person's house and ended up staying until 11 pm, sitting on pillows and rugs outside in the courtyard, singing songs, dressing up two of us like a bride and groom, making up songs about us (the two lines about me were something to the extent of 'Katy is a rose' and 'Katy has hair like silk'). Under the stars, it was all beautiful, though I cried a little bit. It's all overwhelming.

So this morning, after breakfast and a tearful goodbye, we all piled into a taxi (after cleaning the LCF house top to bottom) and came back to Azilal. And now, here I am.

As an aside, if you want to know just how beautiful my CBT town is, a very important politician who is a key player on the international field is building a summer house literally about half a mile from my house. It's going to replace the primary school in town and will totally change the sort of atmosphere there. My family's "fields" which are more like just bits of land for the few sheep and goats and aryoule...donkey?... to graze on, are soon going to shoot up in value a lot. When they told me, I said "your fields" and they said, "yes, but they're now our fields since you're in the family." Yeah, I'm going to miss these people.